Friday, June 24, 2011

Happy Birthday....TREVIE..

My better half would have turned the big 3-0 today. We miss Trevor so much and it is hard to believe that we have made it this long without him here with us. It seems unfair for life to keep going and for him to not be enjoying all the new adventures together with us as a family. It has been a hard month for us with Trevor and my 9TH year anniversary, Father's Day and Trev's Birthday. At times I just want to give up and throw in the towel. If it hadn't been for all the love and encouragement I receive from family and friends I don't think I would have been able to make it this long still standing. We are so incredibly blessed with such an amazing family that has pulled together to help each other through the hard, harder and hardest days. I am so glad they are in this journey along with me. Garrett asked me months ago if we could go up to the cemetery to celebrate Trevor's Birthday. We decided that was a perfect plan and got a big bundle of balloons to release and Aunt Amanda had the grand idea of wrapping candy bars up for everyone to unwrap as they said one of their favorite memories of Trevor. There were not many times when we could be out driving around with Trev and him not stop to grab a treat, "candy bar" and maybe a caffeinated beverage. Aunt Lou was so sweet to send the boys Trev and her favorite treat as kids and one of their favorite books to read, 'Sheldon's Lunch'. We decided that Papa Jim should read the favorite book after we all sobbed trying to get out our favorite memories of Trev while Amanda Sue recorded us. I wonder if Trev was able to watch us and what he thinks as we are all down here struggling to cope with the big whole left in our hearts from loosing such a wonderful part of us. I miss our little family so much and all the adventures of going through life together. We always would say how fast it is going and would get worried that it was all going to go so fast. Now it doesn't seem like it could go fast enough. Although this past year has seemed to go quick the day to day with out being able to look forward for Trev to walk in the door after work seems forever long. One day we will all be together and we will say it was all worth it!!
So excited to release the balloons....We had a few casualties.....some got away before it was time and some popped. :(Garrett gets so excited.

10 comments:

Kris said...

Holly you are an amazing woman, wife and mother....You are such a great example to so many of us. You have held strong and faithful through all of this, which as you stated is not easy but what an amazing example you are! It hurts my heart to see you hurt so much.

I can't wait to be closer to you and your cute boys. July 20th is the approximate date we'll be in town, so we'll see ya soon. Love ya!

P.S. What a cute idea your little boy had and how fun to celebrate Trevor together as a family like that. Your boys looked so happy to be there and be celebrating their Daddy.

John and Jada McFarlane said...

Holly, we have been thinking of you and your boys so much lately, with all the events happening so close to each other. We love you and want you to know there isn't a day that goes by that we don't think about you and your boys! We pray for you everyday, and know that you are being blessed for staying strong in the gospel. You are such a great example to me.

Turnbow's said...

Holly, thank you so much for being open and honest with all of your ups and downs of life. You are such a strong beautiful girl and I appreciate your post! Thank you!!!! What a beautiful was to celebrate his birthday.

Brandi said...

I echo what everyone else has said: you are amazing, strong, and beautiful! I love how your family celebrated your sweet husband.

Lisa said...

Holly- what a day....glad you were able to be with family. I'm in awe at your humility and faith in the Plan of Salvation- what a blessing it is that we have it. So glad we will have some time to spend together- I hope you have as much fun as I do :) Drive safe tomorrow- can't wait to see you!

Carey said...

hey holly, i'm not just some random crazy girl posting on your blog:) i'm a friend of amanda's from MS!! i feel like i know you and your family from all of the fun stuff amanda has told me about you all! it was so fun to start her training with her for the 13.1 next month. i told her when we go to UT to visit i want to drive up and meet you all cause i feel like i know you all!! we miss that crazy sainsbury family soooo much, but i'm glad she's able to be where she wants to be, with her family....anyway, i'm so sorry for your family's loss and i admire your strength and to courage to fight!!! stay strong:) Carey Christensen

Nygards said...

Oh Holly! I am so sorry. I thought about you on Father's Day, and meant to email you. I am sorry that I didn't. Please know I think of you often and I am inspired by your strength. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!

Erika said...

Oh. What a month Holly. It looks like a great celebration you had though. I too admire your strength to persevere through all of this. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. I also admire how you keep Trevor alive for your boys with all of the memories and mission journal, etc. I think it will be such a blessing to them.

Carrie said...

Your faith and optimism are inspiring!

Congrats on your half-marathon and good luck on your next one!

Carrie--a friend of Amanda's from MS

Jon and Michelle said...

Holly, I admire you and your strength. I can only imagine how much it hurts each day, I think of Trevor and Your family all the time and it just breaks my heart. I know Jon struggles more than I know but he too knows he will see him again, as we all do. Thanks for your thoughts you made me cry and think of all the fun times together. The other day I saw two guys in tan shorts and polo shirts that matched and it made me smile to think of Jon and his "work wife" looking like that all the time. We love you and pray for you.